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Pinch her butt and comment on how she's been gaining weight.
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orcishgamer: Well, duh! Why do you think I got you a gym membership for Valentine's Day?
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dirtyharry50: More to love!
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orcishgamer: More cushion for the pushin'?
Oh, yeah! lol
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Skreczi: there is only one good answer:

Here honey, have some diamonds
quoted for truth
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CraigGamerPsycho: I'd fake a heart attack
Good luck trying to change the subject with that old trick.
:) heh

There is no response that is safe... you are sol :)
Be honest but not too blunt. Offer to help her and you BOTH to have a better lifestyle, rather than put it all on her.
Ignore the rational post above me. RUN
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StingingVelvet: Be honest but not too blunt. Offer to help her and you BOTH to have a better lifestyle, rather than put it all on her.
You like the sofa that much? :D
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CraigGamerPsycho: I'd fake a heart attack
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dirtyharry50: Good luck trying to change the subject with that old trick.
I'm guessing he hasn't seen any films where the hero is badly injured or dead. They tend to be fairly true to life. The woman just starts shaking them violently, demanding they wake up and how dare they have the audacity to die when the woman has something she wants to tell them (usually how much she loves them which is a bit unrealistic but otherwise it's valid.)
This is freekin hilarious!
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akwater: :) heh

There is no response that is safe... you are sol :)
This is why I make it my mission to be as offensive as possible. It's designed to initiate either a fight or some groveling, I pick fight and I'll make damned sure it's a good one.
Funny this exact thing happened last week. My gf got home from the doctors and her BMI was 25.1. I said, 'You've got to lose weight', and then went back to playing. Samuel L. Jackson was right, when your gf is a vegetarian, you are one as well :'(
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orcishgamer: Don't worry, I can always calm them down with such carefully designed phrases as, "Well it's true!","Oh like you didn't know!" and "Why do you think I started doing your sister a few months ago?"
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SimonG: And, if everything fails, you can still block the knife with your chest.
Hahahha. :D
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StingingVelvet: Be honest. Tell her that her tummy looks so sexy, that it makes you want to eat it.
Fixed. It is the truth, and it doesn't even hurt.
Post edited March 26, 2012 by kavazovangel
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orcishgamer: This is why I make it my mission to be as offensive as possible. It's designed to initiate either a fight or some groveling, I pick fight and I'll make damned sure it's a good one.
I remember those days.... most of them ended with me getting stiched up or checking under my car for a bomb.....
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orcishgamer: This is why I make it my mission to be as offensive as possible. It's designed to initiate either a fight or some groveling, I pick fight and I'll make damned sure it's a good one.
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akwater: I remember those days.... most of them ended with me getting stiched up or checking under my car for a bomb.....
Yeah that whole thing under your bed seemed over the top when I heard it, but in retrospect I think I've actually had things that were just as ridiculous when I thought about them after some time had passed.

I ran out of "grovel" several years ago, and it never did much good in the first place, so fuck it, I'll appeal to the more honest side of my nature. If anyone is wondering, that's the side that says, "Well go fuck yourself if you don't like it!"

Funny, that tends to solve my problems faster;)