^ banned for faking stigmata wounds on your hands, feet, and side

Banned for having real stigmata wounds, because you were crucified beside Jesus.

Banned because many scientific experiments involve measurements.

^banned because you lick his wounds.

^ banned because were that true, I would be in Heaven now

"Then he said to Jesus, ‘Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in paradise.’”

You're both banned for forgetting that only Jesus was nailed, the other two were tied to their crosses.

Banned for not having an inspiring biblical passage to evoke feelings of triumph.

^ banned because this music emotes such feelings

Banned because just the other day, my Catholic-raised Bible-thumper Dad spoke of "Moses building the Ark" and I had to ask him who did that.

^ banned for blaming your dad for wanting to give his father credit

Banned for writing a logical puzzle which I can't solve

^ banned for not knowing that what is worse than finding a worm in ones apple is...



half a worm

Banned for finding a worm in your bottle of tequila.

Banned because I think he already answered the question: Moses.

EDIT: Banned for interrupting me.

Banned for disrespecting the first meteorologist.

Banned because what does that have to do with anything?

Banned for not understanding how Noah knew to build the Ark.