Posted December 06, 2009
Since people seemed to get a bit of amusement out of my random babbling about COD4.2, I thought I might as well do it for something else. This time, the demo for Bayonetta
My very first impression is that it takes forever to load, it was sitting on a black screen so long I was about to quit on the assumption it’d crashed
Okay sega logo. Time to journey into the land of creepy MILFs who’d be better described as Mothers I’d Like To Avoid Fucking
Near Dr Orpheus level OVERACTING! You have broken our laws! The universe is in PERIL!
There’s something fundamentally wrong with seeing model aliasing in sepia tones
Ugh, hate it when games have default y axis inversion.
AAAAGGHHH MY EARS! Fucking AWFUL music. Its like someone set screaming torture to shitty Japanese synthpop and then used it as a form of screaming torture
Why is everything apparently sexy in this game making my skin crawl? Is it possible to be turned gay by a single game? Because if final fantasy 7 didn’t manage it I didn’t think it’d be possible. Normally the idea of a pistol whip combined with a spanking by a chick dressed in a leather catsuit would seriously do it for me... I’m going to have to watch a LOT of porn to counter this... Seriously, its worse than looking at angelina jolie
Speaking of FF, those giant magic showoff combo attacks are both stupid and annoying
All those combos and so little reason to memorise them when button mashing seems to do the job just as well. Presumably it gets harder as the game goes on, at least one would hope so. At the moment spamming B & Y work well and if you’re in the mood to destroy the Y button, the bullet hell thing works as well.
Good thing I’m not prone to either epilepsy or motion sickness
Why the hell does she feel the need to shout “heel kick” when doing one? Does ANYONE really do that? It looks lame even in games & movies
Hmm, interesting that the first chaotic and pointlessly weird level was apparently a dream (though doubtlessly it was a prophetic vision what with her having “chosen one” emblazoned across her tits)
Ugh, I just walked rather than ran, that stripper walk is just... ugh! Seriously, if was a choice I’d be turning gay.
Mmhmm, for a game this high profile and presumably expensive, its a bit crap that they didn’t voice the 3 lines of observation she makes about a sign seeming out of place.
Especially when she shouts the names of her moves on occasion.
What the hell universe are these developers from where this is considered a good camera setup? Settings are listed as inverted when they’re not and even on maximum camera speed its pretty damn slow for a game of this type. The camera seems to randomly lock into a cinematic angle unless you move the right stick near constantly and it does the “I’m hitting a wall” zoom when you get near an invisible barrier which is always annoying
Exterior landscapes are rather nice and its interesting to see the civilians as ghosts or vague impressions of some sort but how they still get freaked out when you shoot at them
What’s the point of her having butterfly wings if she can only use them for half a second?
Well the button mashing proves the winning tactic again, the first of what I assume will be many giant boss fights was defeated with nothing other than the right trigger and Y. The climax kill was both disturbing for the near nudity of so repellent a character and rather dull for the fact it was a generic gib monster death
Now I have an axe where just the head was about 3 times her size. Fortunately it’s magic and can shrink. Unfortunately its slow and doesn’t seem to do anything that button bashing didn’t
Wow, button bashing just got me a platinum medal for standing her on her hands and shooting folk with the guns in her heels
Ahhh no matter how hard I try I can’t make her leap to her death in a bottomless pit (or possibly just deep ravine, hard to tell with the shittiness of the camera)
Err okay, I just beat the next boss fight (though I think set piece would be a better description) by holding down X. I begin to suspect that the meaning of “Normal difficulty” has changed since I was a kid.
Hmm, apparently it’s “To Be Continued”. Its not even the fact that I don’t care, its the fact that I’m actively opposed to seeing more of the game that makes me think this MIGHT not be the game for me...
All in all, out of the 2 demos I downloaded last night I’m rather glad I played this first. In comparison the generic shooter feel of the Call of Duty Classic demo will seem like gold...
.
Well gold plated tin anyway. Its better than bayonetta but it’s also pretty clear that they’re selling it on name alone, they’ve done nothing to adjust the game to make it console friendly, it feels like a very sloppy port. Sure turnabout is fair play but since activision are one of the perpetrators of the sloppy console port.
My very first impression is that it takes forever to load, it was sitting on a black screen so long I was about to quit on the assumption it’d crashed
Okay sega logo. Time to journey into the land of creepy MILFs who’d be better described as Mothers I’d Like To Avoid Fucking
Near Dr Orpheus level OVERACTING! You have broken our laws! The universe is in PERIL!
There’s something fundamentally wrong with seeing model aliasing in sepia tones
Ugh, hate it when games have default y axis inversion.
AAAAGGHHH MY EARS! Fucking AWFUL music. Its like someone set screaming torture to shitty Japanese synthpop and then used it as a form of screaming torture
Why is everything apparently sexy in this game making my skin crawl? Is it possible to be turned gay by a single game? Because if final fantasy 7 didn’t manage it I didn’t think it’d be possible. Normally the idea of a pistol whip combined with a spanking by a chick dressed in a leather catsuit would seriously do it for me... I’m going to have to watch a LOT of porn to counter this... Seriously, its worse than looking at angelina jolie
Speaking of FF, those giant magic showoff combo attacks are both stupid and annoying
All those combos and so little reason to memorise them when button mashing seems to do the job just as well. Presumably it gets harder as the game goes on, at least one would hope so. At the moment spamming B & Y work well and if you’re in the mood to destroy the Y button, the bullet hell thing works as well.
Good thing I’m not prone to either epilepsy or motion sickness
Why the hell does she feel the need to shout “heel kick” when doing one? Does ANYONE really do that? It looks lame even in games & movies
Hmm, interesting that the first chaotic and pointlessly weird level was apparently a dream (though doubtlessly it was a prophetic vision what with her having “chosen one” emblazoned across her tits)
Ugh, I just walked rather than ran, that stripper walk is just... ugh! Seriously, if was a choice I’d be turning gay.
Mmhmm, for a game this high profile and presumably expensive, its a bit crap that they didn’t voice the 3 lines of observation she makes about a sign seeming out of place.
Especially when she shouts the names of her moves on occasion.
What the hell universe are these developers from where this is considered a good camera setup? Settings are listed as inverted when they’re not and even on maximum camera speed its pretty damn slow for a game of this type. The camera seems to randomly lock into a cinematic angle unless you move the right stick near constantly and it does the “I’m hitting a wall” zoom when you get near an invisible barrier which is always annoying
Exterior landscapes are rather nice and its interesting to see the civilians as ghosts or vague impressions of some sort but how they still get freaked out when you shoot at them
What’s the point of her having butterfly wings if she can only use them for half a second?
Well the button mashing proves the winning tactic again, the first of what I assume will be many giant boss fights was defeated with nothing other than the right trigger and Y. The climax kill was both disturbing for the near nudity of so repellent a character and rather dull for the fact it was a generic gib monster death
Now I have an axe where just the head was about 3 times her size. Fortunately it’s magic and can shrink. Unfortunately its slow and doesn’t seem to do anything that button bashing didn’t
Wow, button bashing just got me a platinum medal for standing her on her hands and shooting folk with the guns in her heels
Ahhh no matter how hard I try I can’t make her leap to her death in a bottomless pit (or possibly just deep ravine, hard to tell with the shittiness of the camera)
Err okay, I just beat the next boss fight (though I think set piece would be a better description) by holding down X. I begin to suspect that the meaning of “Normal difficulty” has changed since I was a kid.
Hmm, apparently it’s “To Be Continued”. Its not even the fact that I don’t care, its the fact that I’m actively opposed to seeing more of the game that makes me think this MIGHT not be the game for me...
All in all, out of the 2 demos I downloaded last night I’m rather glad I played this first. In comparison the generic shooter feel of the Call of Duty Classic demo will seem like gold...
.
Well gold plated tin anyway. Its better than bayonetta but it’s also pretty clear that they’re selling it on name alone, they’ve done nothing to adjust the game to make it console friendly, it feels like a very sloppy port. Sure turnabout is fair play but since activision are one of the perpetrators of the sloppy console port.
Post edited December 06, 2009 by Aliasalpha
