Unfortunately,I was not frisked properly and my swiss army knife will work wonders on this tape.

Fortunately, the Swiss army knife is dull, and the only wonders it will manage to work is slightly scratching the tape.

Unfortunately the knife somehow catches on fire.

Fortunately, thanks to the underflow, there's enough spare duct tape to put out the fire. (Of course, there's the practical problem of storing all those 18 quintillion pieces of duct tape.)

Unfortunately,the blunt blade and the friction causes a small enough fire to melt the tape and I escape with a couple of very minor burns.
The unfortunate part was,some sneak dulling my swiss army knife.

Fortunately your clothes are now on fire.

Unfortunately, I have a bucket of water with me. (The definitions of both fortunate and unfortunate have been reversed! O.O)

Fortunately, *I* have a water extinguisher! (Like a fire extinguisher, except that it extinguishes water instead.)

Unfortunately,for all of the firebugs my clothes are fireproof.Escaped again,yuk yuk yuk.....

Fortunately your face isn't fireproof.

Unfortunately,for you I have a fireproof helmet with face screen,yuk yuk yuk.....

Fortunately, it is not waterproof.

Unfortunately there is no longer any water on earth.

Fortunately, after learning this, I decided to drink a glass of water. Now the amount of water on earth has underflowed and there is *too much* water on earth.

Unfortunately,noah's ark is now needed to survive and all thanks go to dtgreene.